Excerpt
After being abandoned by my ex-husband and suffering from financial and other pressures, I developed Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Over the past few years, I have tried to commit suicide several times. Later, I became addicted to drugs. I am grateful to the Bodhisattva for not letting go of sentient beings. After learning Buddhism, my life changed completely. The Dharma has enabled me to successfully quit drugs, smoking and alcohol. My mental illness has stabilized and I have no suicide and death thoughts. My family life is now more harmonious than before.
Successful experience sharing
In 2005, my ex-husband abandoned me and my two children without a word. At that time, I was only 19 years old. I had to take care of my two children and earn a living to support my family. Under the blow of various kinds of pressure, I suffered from BPD. Among all the mental illnesses, BPD is very serious and most difficult to treat. It is at the edge of health, depression, neurosis, and psychosis. Therefore, it is called BPD.
Since then, my life has been almost filled with tears daily. I once thought of jumping off a building to commit suicide with my children. I don’t have a high degree. In order to provide for my family, I finally chose to work in a bar. That’s how my life changed dramatically.
Every day I took psychiatric medication prescribed to me by my doctor. Instead of getting better, it was getting deteriorated. In addition to drinking and smoking, I also liked to self-mutilate and kill myself (a suicidal tendency). Every time I felt inexplicably unhappy and depressed, the first thought that surged into my mind was “suicide”. Seeing blood I had a kind of especially excited and happy mood. My emotion would naturally calm down a lot. I stayed on like this for several years, living a crazy life. On the outside, I was still a normal person. I could commute to and from work and take care of my children, not like a patient with severe mental illness.
As I got older, suicide no longer calmed me. I knew I was getting worse. The medication stopped working, so I stopped taking it, too. The most serious injury is that I cut my own left wrist severely. I was hospitalized with 7 stitches. I didn’t feel scared of this. After that, I still cut my wrists and tried to jump off a building. My brain was full of thoughts about how to kill myself, which made me break down!
It was at this moment that I became addicted to drugs – methamphetamine. Alcohol and drugs became my daily bread. I suffered from severe insomnia and could not sleep. Every day I lived a drunken life of self-degradation and anesthesia, afraid of getting sober. As long as I was sober, my mind must think of death! My heart was full of resentment and misanthropy. My family was in chaos because of me. I was really in pain by then!
I have known Buddhist practitioner Anthony for many years when I worked in a bar. From time to time, I have seen him sharing his positive Buddhist energy on his Facebook page. I witnessed his transformation. He had become a different person. I wondered how he did it. I thought the Dharma is so powerful that it transformed him from a womanizer into a Buddhist monk. It was incredible! One day, I suddenly had an idea. He might be able to help me! I contacted him on September 26, 2014. After listening to his personal experience, I told him that my mental illness was plaguing me. It had gotten so unbearable that I was on the verge of a breakdown. Since my life was a dead end, I would try to recite Buddhist scriptures to see if it would really change me.
On September 27, 2014, I started the basic daily recitation of Buddhist scriptures for beginners. After reciting them my head hurt and I felt dizzy. I got worried and consulted Anthony. He told me to persevere and recite Buddhist scriptures every day, not to break and stop.
On October 17, 2014, I made 2 vows to the Bodhisattva:
(1) Be a vegetarian on the first and fifteenth days of the lunar calendar.
(2) Not to eat live sea animals.
After months of reciting Buddhist scriptures and performing life liberation, my condition has stabilized.
Anthony always says that Guan Yin Bodhisattva is present in every situation, so there is no need to be afraid. In addition, all my Buddhist friends are my family, so I am not alone. I am really grateful to Anthony for his encouragement, giving me the confidence and courage to face my life and accept my illness.
During the period of reciting Buddhist scriptures, my mental illness got much better, but I couldn’t quit using methamphetamine. I was very remorseful and hated myself. I didn’t want my children to follow in my footsteps, so I must quit drug addiction.
I contacted Anthony again, confessed to my drug habit, and asked for daily recitations of Buddhist scriptures for drug rehabilitation. After reciting them for a few days I had dreams. I was using drugs with my drug-addicted friends (in real life my drug-addicted friends were exactly the same as the people who appeared in the dream) in every dream. Constantly dreaming of using drugs causes me to fear sleep. While, I knew the Bodhisattva who had mercy on me. I became more active in doing daily recitations, reciting Eighty-eight Buddhas Great Repentance, and reciting Buddhist scriptures to ascend my ghosts of ancestors and karmic creditors.
On May 1, 2015, I successfully gave up drug addiction! During that time I dreamed of taking the test numerous times but didn’t pass. In the last test, I dreamed that one of my drug-addicted friends brought me methamphetamine but I refused it. Since then I haven’t dreamed about drugs. I am grateful to Guan Yin Bodhisattva for Her compassion in saving me from the bitter sea of drugs.
On July 7, 2015, I dreamed that the Dharmakaya of a virtuous teacher bless me with compassion. I asked him if he could cure my illness. He didn’t answer me, but just pressed his hand on the back of my collar and mouthed some words. Suddenly a huge black shadow ran away from my body. After I woke up from sleep, my whole body was much more relaxed. The Dharma joy, gratitude, and emotion in my heart were really indescribable.
I am really grateful for the Bodhisattva’s compassion for helping and encouraging me time and again. So, I can practice Buddhism with more effort, refine myself well, and move forward with a firm heart!
Dharma has helped me quit drugs, smoking and drinking. My mental illness has stabilized. I have become very cheerful and have no suicidal thoughts at all. My family life is more harmonious than before.
Recalling the past, I think it’s really stupid to keep killing myself. Fortunately, numerous attempts of suicide in recent years have not succeeded. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have encountered the Dharma today. My daughter has started reciting Buddhist scriptures and doing daily recitations on her own. Moreover, I often share the contents of Buddhism on Facebook. I hope that more people will be able to get in touch with the Dharma through the Internet.
I am really grateful to the Bodhisattva for giving me a chance to be reborn. I will definitely cherish my Buddhist affinity. We must believe karma is real! As long as our heart is sincere and without doubt, the Bodhisattva will definitely save us! There will always be ups and downs on the path of cultivation, so we must persevere, positively change our destiny, and properly cultivate our hearts and minds! In this life, I will follow the compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, devote myself to one Buddhist practice, and never give up! Help more sentient beings attain happiness and save them from suffering!
I would like to express my gratitude to Anthony for his tireless teaching and encouragement along the way. It is only because he gave me a lot of confidence at the beginning and told me that as long as I believed in the Bodhisattva, my illness would definitely be cured so I have the opportunity to stand here and give the Dharma talk today. I am grateful to all of my fellow Buddhist practitioners who have helped me. I am grateful to all of you!
Presenter: Malaysian Buddhist practitioner
Translator: Frank
Published: 2023-09-29
STATEMENT BY TRANSLATOR
The story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I pray for forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to practise the five golden Buddhist practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (2) making vows, (3) practicing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) Repentance. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma.
Welcome to contact fellow practitioner Lily: sunnypurplelily@gmail.com
Or add Lily’s WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下：
佛法让罹患边缘性人格障碍症并吸毒的我重获新生
导读摘录
在被前夫抛弃及经济等种种压力的打击下，我患上了边缘性人格障碍症，几年来屡次试图自杀后又染上毒瘾。感恩菩萨不舍众生，学佛后我的人生彻底改变。佛法让我成功戒毒、戒烟、戒酒，我的精神病已经很稳定了，已经完全没有自杀想死的念头，家庭生活也比以前和睦了。
成功经验分享
2005年，前夫一声不响的抛弃了我和2个孩子，当时的我只有19岁，一个人带着两个孩子，要照顾他们，又要挣钱养家，种种压力的打击下，我患上了“边缘性人格障碍症”(Borderline Personality Disorder)在精神疾病中这是一种十分严重且最难治疗的精神病，它是介于健康、忧郁症、精神官能症、精神病这四者之间的边缘，故称边缘性人格障碍。
从此之后，我的生活几乎是天天以泪洗脸，还曾经想过要带着孩子一起跳楼自杀，为了养家糊口，学历又不高，最后选择了在酒吧上班，就这样我的人生彻底改变了。
每天都在服食医生开给我的精神病药，不但没有好转，反而越来越严重。除了酗酒、抽烟、我还喜欢自残自杀(自杀倾向)。每一次莫名其妙的不开心与心情低落，第一个念头涌在我脑海里的就是“自杀”，看见血我有种快感特别的兴奋、开心，心情自然就会平复了许多。就这样过着疯疯癫癫的日子几年。外表上我还算是个正常人，可以正常的上下班、照顾孩子，根本不像是一个患有严重精神病的患者。随着年龄的增长，自杀已经不能平复我的心情，我知道我的病情又加重了，药物根本起不了作用，所以我也停止服食了。伤的最严重的一次是在自己的左手腕狠狠地割了几刀，进院缝了7针，我并没有因为这样而感到害怕，之后陆陆续续还在割腕、企图跳楼……满脑子都是想着如何了断自己，搞得我人都快疯掉、崩溃了！就在这时候我染上了毒瘾——吸食冰毒。酒与毒品已经成为我天天的粮食。严重的失眠不能睡觉，天天就是这样过着醉生梦死的生活自我堕落、麻醉自己，害怕清醒因为只要清醒的时候我的脑一定想着死！心中充满怨恨、厌世……家里因为我而搞得鸡犬不宁，当时的我真的痛不欲生！
早在酒吧上班时候，已经认识Anthony师兄好多年，时常看到他在面子书分享佛法正能量。开始注意到他的转变，脱胎换骨变成另外一个人了。我很好奇他是怎样办到的，觉得佛法很有能量，把他从一个色色的人可以变成一个学佛人，不可思议啊！当时的我突然有了个想法，他或许可以帮到我！就在2014年9月26日，我信息了Anthony师兄，知道他在我们没有联系的这几年里发生了很多事而改变了他，听完了他的亲身经历，我也告诉他我的精神病困扰着我，而且病情已经严重到我快崩溃了。既然我的人生已经是死路了，也没有方法可以治疗我的精神病那我就尝试念经看看是否真的会所改变。
2014年9月27日，我开始了初学的基本功课，念完之后头很痛很晕，我又担心了，又去问Anthony师兄怎么会这样？师兄叫我要坚持，一定要每天念经，不能断断停停。
2014年10月17日，跟菩萨许了愿1）初一十五吃素 ；2）不吃活海鲜。
念了好几个月的经、放生，病情也比较稳定了。师兄常说凡事都有观世音菩萨在，不用害怕，还有全部的佛友都是我的亲人，我不是孤单一个人。真的很感恩Anthony师兄一直以来的鼓励、给我信心、勇气去面对自己的人生，接受自己的病。念经期间，精神病是好了很多，但是吸食冰毒还是戒不了，我很懊恼、痛恨自己，我更不想以后我的孩子步我后尘，所以我一定要把毒瘾给戒了。我又信息Anthony师兄，坦白说出自己有吸毒的习惯，请教了关于戒毒的功课。念了几天的功课就发梦了。每隔几天就会梦一次我和吸毒的朋友在一起吸毒(现实生活中我的吸毒朋友和梦中出现的人是一模一样的)这样一直发梦导致我害怕睡觉。我知道是菩萨慈悲我，我更加积极的做功课、念礼佛、念经文超度冤亲债主。
2015年5月1日，我成功戒毒！期间梦考无数次但是都没有过，最后一次的梦考梦见其中一位吸毒朋友拿冰毒给我，但被我拒绝了，那次之后就没有再梦关于毒品的梦了。感恩观世音菩萨慈悲我把我从毒海里救了出来。
2015年7月7日，梦见善知识的法身到我的梦里来慈悲加持我。我问善知识是否能治疗好我的病？善知识并没有回答我，只是用手按着我的后项背，嘴里念念有词的，突然庞大的黑影从我身上跑了出来，睡醒之后，整个人轻松了很多，心里的法喜、感恩、感动真的无法形容。
真的很感恩菩萨的慈悲一次又一次的帮助我、鼓励我，使我在学佛路上更努力、精进、有颗坚定的心向前走！
佛法让我成功的戒毒、戒烟、戒酒，我的精神病已经很稳定了，人也变得很开朗了，已经完全没有自杀想死的念头，家庭生活也比以前和睦了。
回想起以前一直想自杀了断自己真的很傻，幸运的是这几年无数次的自杀并没有成功，不然今天我也没有机会闻到这么好的佛法。我的女儿也开始会自己念经做功课，而且我也常会在面子书分享佛法方面的内容……希望会有更多的人能够透过网上接触佛法。真的很感恩菩萨妈妈给了我一个重生的机会，我一定会好好珍惜佛缘。只要心诚，没有半点怀疑，一定要相信因果报应真实不虚啊！菩萨一定会救我们的！修行路上总会遇到波折，一定要坚持、积极改变自己的命运，好好修心修行！我今生今世必定会跟随大慈大悲的观世音菩萨弘法度人，一门精进，永不退转！救度更多的有缘众生，离苦得乐！
在此感恩Anthony师兄在我一路走来，不厌其烦的教导我、鼓励我，只因为当初他给了我很大的信心告诉我说只要相信菩萨，我的病一定会好的，所以今天我才有机会站在这里现身说法，感恩所有帮助过我的师兄们，感恩你们！
分享人：马来西亚师兄分享
来自：【同修精彩分享】纽约观世音菩萨心灵法门 Guanyin Citta New York
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